An Open Letter to All Mean Moms

Author's Note: If you are - or were - a "mean Mom" -- please take note. If you aren't or weren't a "mean mom" - it's never too late to change.

Dear Mean Moms:

How you can live with yourselves?

You force your kids to eat healthy foods for breakfast while other kids eat candy or ice cream. When other kids are enjoying an RC Cola and a Moon Pie for lunch, your kids have to eat sandwiches, chips and carrot sticks. And you make dinner for the family every evening and expect everyone to be seated around the table.

How rude!

You insist on knowing where your kids are at all times. You have to know who their friends are, and what they are doing with them. You insist that if they say they will be gone for an hour, they will be gone for an hour or less.

What are they, a bunch of criminals?

Many of you even have the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making your kids work! They have to wash the dishes, make their beds, clean their rooms, get their dirty clothes in the laundry, mow the lawn, vacuum the floor, feed the dog, walk the goats, and all sorts of cruel jobs.

They are probably relatively sure that you lie awake at night thinking of more things for them to do.

Furthermore, you always insist on your kids telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And -- when they become teenagers, you acquire the uncanny ability to read their minds. Around this time you also sprout additional eyes - not only in the back of your head - but all around town as well.

You won't let their friends just honk the horn when they drive up; they have to come up to the door so you can meet them. And if by some chance you already know them, they are expected to come in and say "Hello" in a polite and respectful manner.

While everyone else can date when they're 10 or 12 or 13 years of age, your kids have to wait until they are 16.

Because of you they will probably miss out on lots of things other kids experience. For instance, they will never get caught shoplifting or vandalizing other people's property. They will probably never be arrested or spend time in prison.

I can't say they'll never get drunk, or try smoking, or stay out all night with friends, or a million other things other kids do. But they will eventually have to face you, at which time they are sure to wonder whether or not such rebellion was even worth it.

And finally, when they leave home they will more than likely be God-fearing, educated, honest adults.

And it's all your fault.

So I'll ask again ... How can you live with yourselves?

Signed -- A Concerned 21st Century Citizen

P.S. - On second thought, maybe that's what's wrong with the world today. There just aren't enough Mean Moms.