Love and Logic: Parenting class addresses issue of behavior control

Nancy Kleinschmidt started her second session of teaching the Love and Logic method to parents by reading those present a list and asking them to state whether the item was something parents could control in their children, or merely wish to. This list included "the child's attitude," "amount of the child's allowance," "the child's use of drugs," "the child's sexual activity" and "color of the child's hair."

Several times, an item on the list referred to something a parent could only wish to control, followed by something related that the parent can control with ease, such as "what the child eats" versus "what food is presented to the child," "clothes the child wears" versus "clothes the parent provides" and "what language the child uses" versus "what language the parent is willing to listen to."

The conversation turned to siblings who fight, and Kleinschmidt offered the advice that "it's no fun if the parent isn't there to hear it."

"Feel free to argue, but take it upstairs," was the line she gave those present to use when their children fight, saying simply removing the opportunity of the children to take their displeasure with each other to their parent will often end the fight within a very short period of time.

When a parent gets angry, said Kleinschmidt, good things rarely follow, so the message a parent should send to his or her children is "whatever you put out there, I can handle."

Kleinschmidt passed to attendees a Love and Logic sales brochure that included a number of boxes labeled "helpful hint(s)," which she urged parents to cut out and paste somewhere, such as on a refrigerator or a cabinet door, so they may be readily viewed in times of parenting-related stress.

One of those hints stressed the importance of using enforceable statements when presented with undesirable behavior from a child, such as saying "I'll listen when your voice is as calm as mine," rather than "Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!"

After reading one hint that suggested parents empathize with their children by saying such things as, "This is so sad," or, "What a bummer," Kleinschmidt cautioned, "People sometimes think they have no sarcasm in their voice, and they still do," adding, "children know ... if you genuinely feel bad about it."

When parents have an unhurried morning, they may wish to have "practice mornings" for their children to try getting ready for school, daycare or anything else, advised another hint.

Bringing the issue of empathy to the forefront, Kleinschmidt asked an imaginary child who had been unable to get ready by the predetermined time of the parent's departure, "Do you think you'll be able to get your clothes on with your seatbelt on, or do you think you'll need to take them into the bathroom?"

Cherry Merchant reminded those present that by giving her receipts from Patricia's Foods, the store would donate 1 percent of the purchase price listed on each receipt to Saline County Circles.

The Tuesday, Nov. 3, meeting of Saline County Circles, when Kleinschmidt will speak about Love and Logic in the fourth of seven sessions, will be held in Covenant Presbyterian Church's west end at 5:30 p.m., due to the church's status as a polling location.

Funding for the Love and Logic classes comes from Saline County Strong Family Partnerships and a Work Support grant.

Anyone interested in attending a future class should contact Merchant at 660-886-7476.

Contact Geoff Rands at marshallreporter@socket.net