Semi View: Dreaming up dream gifts for farmers

Although Christmas has passed and the presents are handed out for this year, it's never too early to start thinking about next year -- especially for the presents I think my farmers would enjoy. Getting them great gifts is always tough because what they really want are "big toys," like tractors, trucks and bulldozers.

But I do have ideas of things that would be perfect gifts -- the only problem is most of these items haven't been invented yet. So since it may take awhile, I decided to start my wish list in case there are inventors out there who can help with these gifts. (Author's note: I hope to get a "cut" of any profits made.)

One of the biggest concerns with farmers is always weather -- and sometimes the lack of it, so I think one great gift would be their own personal weather forecaster.

Perhaps a television and radio station they could tune into, especially during those times when they are waiting anxiously for a rain on the crops -- or for a rain to stop where they want to plant crops.

"Well, at the Gorrell farm it isn't raining, but across the road at the Jones farm it is raining buckets," their personal weather forecaster will say.

"Oh, no, it looks like the storm is breaking up and missing the Gorrell farm altogether."

In case that isn't available then perhaps I could get them a detailed digital weather station for every field they farm, letting them know how much it rained there and when it will be dry so we can work there again. This could save a lot of unnecessary worrying and fossil fuel use. Farms are separate businesses, but they don't necessarily compete with each other, like two gas stations next to each other might. However, farmers do like to know what the "other guy" is doing so they don't get left behind.

With that in mind, another gift idea would be a readily accessible map showing the county (and any county we might be in) and what seed variety is planted in the field we are traveling by at that moment. We also need to know the planting date, chemicals used, planting population and what it will yield per acre. If I had a nickel for every time I heard, "I wonder what he used on that field" ... we could retire.

I also have some other ideas of perfect gifts for farmers:

--A "Rain" or "Sunshine" gift card that can be redeemed at a later date. It will entitle the "holder" to turn it in for rain in July or sunshine during a wet planting period.

--A "Disaster" card to be turned in whenever they don't want to go to a family reunion or the fifth wedding of my Aunt Betsy's stepdaughter, Charlotte. "Sorry honey I can't go because the cow is having a calf," or "this field might dry today and I have to be here," or "they are working on the combine today and I can't leave in case they need me to hand them a tool." Well, you get the idea, a readily available excuse to get out of "undesirable" events. (This could be a great gift for any man!)

--An aerial photograph with our farm, looking like they want it to look "someday," when we finally get all the fences built, those new terraces put in, all the field work done, no weeds anywhere, no trash pulled out in the yard by the dog, all the fence rows sprayed and mowed. … --A watch, counting down the days and minutes until they can get back into the field. --A secretary (I'd prefer it be a robot) who knows when to pay what bill and automatically knows that the farm has been charged the correct amounts. --A crystal ball, able to tell what will happen next year, what the planting dates will be and exactly how many hours will be available to plant or combine our crop before it rains again. It also needs to tell us what the yields will be and of course, what the markets will do.

--A cow, or any farm animal that actually acts like they do in animated movies. If only we could use a secret code like "Baa Ram Ewe" (from the movie "Babe") and our cows would realize we really want to help them and not hurt them, when we have to give them their shots, or help them birth a calf!

Despite the way technology has changed all our lives lately, I realize these "gifts" may be a few years away.

Hubby has a birthday coming up, but I guess none of these gifts are going to be "ready" in time, so I'm back to the regular gift ideas ... like jeans, long underwear and tools.

So come on inventors, help me come up with something better for next year!