Ahh. February 14th. Valentine's Day. The "lovers' holiday." Candy. Flowers. Cards. Cupid. You get the picture.

But did this day filled with hearts and chocolates and roses (at up to $100 per dozen) originated in the 5th century as a tribute to a Roman Catholic Bishop named -- you guessed it -- Saint Valentine?

History tells us that for eight hundred years prior to the establishment of the greeting card industry's favorite day, the Romans practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating such things as a young man's rite of passage to the god Lupercus.

Apparently, the celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. Seems simple enough. But it gets a bit tricky as you go along. Tradition says that the girl whose name was chosen by each young man would be his sexual companion during the remaining year.

Those horrible pagans.

But wait. As always, religious folks sought to rescue the world from such debauchery. In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered an ever-so-slight change in the lottery. Seems instead of the names of young women, the box would now contain the names of saints, and both men and women were allowed to draw from the box. The tradition then became a game in which the good folks were to emulate -- for the remainder of the year -- the ways of the saint whose name they drew. And, as you might well imagine, many of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the changes.

The Church looked for a suitable patron saint of love to take the place of the pagan god Lupercus, and eventually they would find an appropriate choice in Valentine, who, in AD 270, had been beheaded by Emperor Claudius.

Seems old Claudius had determined that married men made poor soldiers. So he promptly banned marriage from his empire. The problem was that sneaky Valentine gained a reputation as a priest who would secretly perform marriages for young men that came to him.

Claudius found out about Valentine and at first tried to convert him to paganism. Valentine tried instead to convert Claudius to Catholicism. When he failed, he was stoned and beheaded.

But there's more to the story. (Are you weeping yet? Just wait!)

Tradition and legend also tell us that during the days of his imprisonment, Valentine fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her, combined with his great faith, somehow miraculously healed her of her blindness. (Sniff. Sniff.)

Before he was taken to his death, he wrote a touching farewell message to his love and signed it, "From your Valentine."

The phrase has been used on his day ever since.

Although the lottery for women had been banned by the church, some historians claim the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine was still used by Roman men to seek the affection of women, and it eventually became a tradition for the men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.

History also tells us that the first Valentine card grew out of this practice, when the first true Valentine card was sent in 1415 by Charles, duke of Orleans, to his wife. He was imprisoned in the Tower of London at the time.

I know what you're thinking. He truly was a prisoner of love.

Now quit bawling and go eat your chocolates.