"Teach your children well ... and feed them on your dreams." -- Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Every day, with everything we do, we teach our children something about ourselves and about them and about their place in the scheme of things.

Mostly, we don't even know we're doing it.

And what a surprise it often is to discover that some word or phrase, some pattern of thought, some action or inaction on our part is reflected in their words or thoughts or actions or inactions.

Sometimes, we are pleasantly surprised.

Sometimes, we are not.

One of the greatest teaching opportunities we parents have is once again at our doorstep.

It's already almost Christmas.

On Friday morning, stores across the country will be open for holiday shopping at ridiculous hours. In past years, Wal-Mart and Target (and others) have opened at 6 a.m., or in some cases, 5 a.m. And now Kohl's and J.C. Penney have entered the fray, opening at 4 a.m.

How exhausting to try to elbow your way to the front of a line of sleep-deprived, overcaffeinated and frantic shoppers.

And how dispiriting to think this is a lesson we are teaching our children.

Let me share a story with you that may help not only your children but you.

When my daughter was about five years old, I was recently divorced and didn't have a lot of money to spare. I did have a good job and certainly wasn't anywhere close to being in danger of starving, but money was, well, a little tight.

Sara and I were at the mall on the day after Thanksgiving when she spotted a huge tree in the center of the building, decorated with paper angels.

She wanted to investigate, so we walked over for a closer look. She noticed right away that each angel had a number and a "wish list" on the back - "#137, girl, five years old, Barbie doll, mittens..."

It was our first encounter with an "Angel Tree."

I explained the purpose of the tree to her in terms a five-year-old could understand.

And she explained to me in terms an adult could understand that we had to take one of those angels. And further, that we had to take one for a girl just her age.

So we did.

Sara grabbed that list, took me by the hand, and dragged me over to a nearby toy store. We bought every toy on the list.

When it came to clothing items, Sara, who hated trying on clothes at that age, happily tried on pants, skirts, dresses and shoes -- anything for "her" angel child.

Part of the time, I worried about the dent it was making in my budget.

The rest of the time, watching her, I dodged behind racks of clothing and tried to keep from crying.

I had never before felt the true meaning of the spirit of giving at Christmas.

It wasn't me teaching Sara a lesson -- it was Sara teaching me.

Every year after that, we did the same thing.

As the years passed, and I could more easily afford it, we took two angels -- always girls, always just Sara's age.

When she turned 17 and couldn't find an angel her age, we started over again with younger children.

Even when she went away to school, we shopped for our angels when she was home for Thanksgiving.

And now today, when she is already, impossibly, a grown woman, she still buys gifts for "her" angels. Distance no longer allows us to do it together, but we still do it.

Before you set out for your shopping trip this year, stop by Wood & Huston Bank or Bank of America and pick up an angel.

If all the angels are already taken, put the Community Holiday Project on your list.

If that doesn't please you, call the local food bank and see what they need. Call one of the many churches in town and ask what you can do to help one family.

Don't just write a check. Anybody can write a check.

Above all, involve your children in whatever charitable giving you do.

If you pick angels from the bank trees, pick angels about the same age as your own children and have them help you buy the gifts.

If you decide to donate something to the Community Holiday Project, take your children with you when you shop. Involve them in the decision about what to buy.

If you called the food pantry, take your children with you to the grocery store and let them help you pick out the food. Going to the grocery store is a "two-fer," by the way. You can educate them on how much food really costs and educate them on charitable giving at the same time.

If you're helping a family through your church, see if you can find a family with children the same age as your own children. When you shop, take your children with you.

There is no better way to inculcate the habit of giving than by teaching it early and often. Or by letting them teach you how it's really done.

If you want your children to imitate you, if you want them to learn something, if you want to "teach them well," do something you really want them to imitate.

And then you can be pleasantly surprised when they do.