Alternations of Political Reality!!!

Political banter, as I see it, is really just a consistent stream of live entertainment. How much more can you ask for than an enormous Family Feud-style contest where both sides try and try to guess what the American people want and come up short over and over and over? If you climb out of the political trenches of one party or the other and step back, you'll notice two camps made up of idiots who seem to take absolute delight in making fools of themselves. It can be quite funny if you let it.

However, of late I have been rather bored with the whole thing. I was trying to write a weblog about taxes and all that, but it just seemed far too lackluster. I have, therefore, decided to obliterate our current reality and replace it with something more interesting. (Disclaimer: Nothing in this article has any bearing on reality as we know it, so don't take it literally. Just enjoy!)

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Headline: "Obama administration to meet with multi-national panel of scientists, begin $40 trillion project to colonize Mars"

White House officials announced today the Obama administration will assemble a team of scientific authorities on space exploration to look into the possibility of colonization of Mars.

The administration will accept scientists from every country represented in the United Nations, although the leading qualification, according to a presidential memo, is evasion of taxes of the country represented.

"Our goal," President Barack Obama said in a news release, "is not only to explore and colonize alternative planetary abodes in our solar system, but also to incur the largest amount of debt for this planet in the shortest time possible. And I firmly believe with $40 trillion we can accomplish both these objectives."

The announcement was met with opposition from those who say federal debt is too large as it currently stands and recommend working toward a low-debt America before abandoning the planet altogether.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said the opponents of the Mars colonization are people "addicted to the failed, Earth-bound policies of George Bush." Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano added, "Right-wing extremists have a history of unwarranted fondness toward the planet Earth. I have a report in the making that will completely expose the bigotry and derogatory feelings harbored against out neighboring planets -- specifically Saturn -- by those on the right."

This comment sparked resistance from global warming advocates, who hold right-wingers hate planet Earth and are bent on its destruction. More on that as developments unfold.

Disgustingly rich George Soros has said he will generously donate $10 trillion to the project under the stipulation none of his money is leaked into other government programs, specifically housing for poor people or assisted living. He also demands to be allotted prime real estate in the Mars colony. Soros has contracted several architects to design a multi-billion dollar space-mansion to be constructed as soon as he withdraws from his numerous off-world bank accounts.

Britain's J.K. Rowling has also offered to partially fund the U.K.'s part in the research, saying Mars may present humans a "fresh start, without the history of wars and capitalism." Rowling stated Obama's initiative has inspired her to write a series of increasingly dark children's novels set in space.

Though she declined to comment on the overall plot, Rowling said the series will focus on a dorky scientific boy with round spectacles and an odd-shaped scar on his face from an experiment gone wrong, who is eventually taken in a flying ship to a space station. There, he will meet other scientist-children, learn from an assortment of eccentric professors and use his scientific intellect to overcome many problems.

The series promises to be an incredibly over-hyped bestseller.

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See? Isn't that just so much more entertaining than our current political conundrums? Any additions to this preposterous reality are welcome!

Hoka Hay!