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So many title possibilities, so little time ...Posted Wednesday, February 6, 2013, at 3:44 PM
After writing my first book, "Semi View," I started fielding questions about whether or not I will write another one. After pondering the question, I started thinking perhaps I could write an agriculture remake of other popular and classic books.
With that in mind, I came up with a list.
--"Harry Planter and an Order of the Pioneer," ("Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix""): I can picture the main character now. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know a lot of hairy planters. A few even have facial scars and wear funny glasses.
--"We Can't Catch the Cow in the Rye." ("Catcher in the Rye"): This could be an interesting story. If a cow gets into a new area, luring them back to the old pasture can be challenging and downright comical. I can picture the chase scenes now.
--"The Tale of Two Farms" ("The Tale of Two Cities"): Obviously no two are alike.
--"Lord of the Hay Rings" ("Lord of the Rings"): On our farm, the "Lord" is Hilary, the donkey. She always seems to chase a few cows away from the ring when she's hungry. With her kicking and biting skills, she would make a great action star or villain.
--"Goodnight Moo" ("Goodnight Moon"): In the great, green pasture, there was a telephone pole and red clover and a picture of a human jumping over the moon and there were three little calves sitting on haybales ... Goodnight Moo, Goodnight human jumping over the moon. (So it doesn't quite rhyme, I'll have to work on it.)
--"Charlotte's Weeds" ("Charlotte's Web"): Pigs, weeds and yes, even a spider or two would add to this drama.
--"The Podfather" ("The Godfather"): A story about the soybean mafia. ("If there is an Amish mafia, then why can't there be a soybean mafia?")
--"The Wind in the Wheat" ("Wind in the Willows"): A disaster story, because we know wind ("or hail") in any crop can spell disaster for the growing season.
--"Where the Wild Things Are": I wouldn't need to change the name for this book. After all, we have wild things everywhere .... snakes, raccoons, opossums, deer, turkey, etc. Some I enjoy more than others, but they are all part of living in the country.
--"The Dairy of Anne Frank" ("The Diary of Anne Frank"): The trials and tribulations of milking cows daily. I could probably find some humor in getting up at 3:30 a.m. ... well maybe not.
--"The Calf in the Hayring" ("The Cat in the Hat"): The sun did not shine, it was too wet to plant, so we stewed in the house, and listened to the farmer rant. I sat there with Hubby, we sat there we two, and I said, "How I wish we had work we could do."
BUMP! And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked!
Then we saw him, the calf in the hay ring and he said to us, Moo, moo, come help me please. I know it it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but I need help and it's really not funny.
So we gathered up son one and son two and proceeded to convince him to back out of the ring, but not before his head hit the side with a ping ...
(Okay, so I'll work on it.)
--"The GPS Driven Tractor" ("The Purpose Driven Life"): A technical guide to the mechanics of using Global Positioning System technology to guide a tractor and implement through a field. Very exciting stuff!
--"The Joys of Castrating" ("The Joys of Cooking"): That book might need to be for the 18 and over crowd.
And speaking of adult subjects ...
--"50 Shades of Hay": Alfalfa, brome, timothy, fescue ... all different shades. And you know, after a day of hay baling, everyone gets a little dirty.
On second thought, maybe one book is enough for a lifetime.
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