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Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2017

Farm wives need 'anonymous' group sessions

Posted Tuesday, June 16, 2009, at 5:30 PM

Not long after I was married 25 years ago, a friend of mine suggested we form a "Farm Wives Anonymous" group. It wasn't organized, but we found ourselves having "meetings" every time we got together with other farmwives.

Call it complaining if you like, but for us it helped to share stories to know we weren't alone.

Now, after the third wet spring in a row and grumpy farmers who can't get their work finished, I think it's time to officially form an official "Farmwives Anonymous" chapter (FWA).

This group will be for the women who love the men who refuse to quit or even acknowledge they have a farming "habit." Since we seem unable to change the farmers, it is designed to help us women cope on a day-to-day basis with the farmer and his "problem."

We'll meet and share our stories using our first names only. Afterwards we'll all feel a little bit better before heading home to hear about the latest rainfall report, flood warning or broken down tractor.

Before you decide to join the group you must first decide if your farmer has a problem.

Here is a little test I have devised:

--Does he complain when you buy a purse on sale for $20, while simultaneously shopping for a new farm implement -- worth who knows how much -- that never goes on sale?

--Does he make impolite remarks to the weatherman when he or she gives the forecast using his now-least-favorite word: RAIN?

--Do you fear the day the rain stops, knowing your hubby will be the first one to complain about a drought?

--Do thoughts of vacation or a day away from the farm make him feel restless, anxious, nervous or downright cross?

--When he does go away for the said day of vacation does he spend the time talking about the farm?

--Do you have to drive through every farm implement dealer on the way to said vacation to look at more machinery that never goes on sale and only seems to get more expensive??

--Does your farmer think a day trip to Sedalia and a dinner out counts as a vacation?

--When you attend a wedding, funeral, family reunion or just a night out with friends does he spend the whole time with the other men talking about farming ... I mean his "habit?"

--Does he spend a lot of time in complaint mode -- especially after five-inch rains, times of severe drought (remember those) or down markets?

--When asked if he has any hobbies, does he have to think for a while before answering: "taking care of my cows" or some other farm related chore?

If you have answered "yes" to two or more of these questions then it's obvious at least to me that your husband's job has become a "problem."

So with that in mind, I think we need to have an FWA meeting soon.

I don't know where or when we will meet, but I do know what, uhh, make that WHO we'll be talking about.

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If they would be numbered, numbers 1, 4-8 and 10 of the farmer habits apply to my situation, but my situation is worse in terms of how all of this is affecting everything and everyone in our lives in a really bad way and I'm not sure I can deal with this irresponsible way of dealing with what is the "rest of life" besides, and including the farm. I am in a desperate situation in my marriage due to these "habits" and many more, perhaps also associated somehow with the occupation and not the man? I only wanted to mostly see what others may say or what I can identify with to not feel as alone and see how I might handle some of our issues for myself and my family.

Thanks so much

-- Posted by Buckeyegrl1 on Wed, Jul 6, 2011, at 1:13 AM

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